No. You are not like them. For the reasons that you mentioned--my benefit and my free will in the matter--and because surely you have studied men like Alexander Pierce enough to know the ways that you would differ from him.
I would be the way that I am now. Maybe a little contrary and just as vocal in speaking out my differences with you. But welcoming the similarities as well.
We both know how I differ from Pierce. He gave the order for many of your last missions, even if you had not seen him face to face for all of them. Do you wish you had been able to exact revenge?
You should not hold back on contrary opinions with me. You don't seem to do it now. I wouldn't want you to.
He gave me orders for more than the last ones. I remember him when he was young and I remember seeing his face change over the years, each time when I was pulled from cryofreeze on his orders. He's dead. Does it matter how or by what hand?
I don't but that might be an attractive trait over days; maybe less so over the course of years if we had that together.
It does not matter to history or to HYDRA. But if it matters to you, then it matters.
You have implied more than once that I might grow tired of you if we spent more time together. While we cannot predict impossible futures, I assure you I would only find you more interesting. Not less.
It matters to me. It all matters to me. I know that I'm supposed to be putting it behind me and moving beyond the traumas of the past but it's ever present and it feels like a lie to say it's not.
Maybe I think that James Barnes isn't as interesting as the Winter Soldier. So as I become more detached from that part of myself, I suppose I wonder. But thank you for saying that.
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branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2021-04-20 03:30 pm (UTC)I would be the way that I am now. Maybe a little contrary and just as vocal in speaking out my differences with you. But welcoming the similarities as well.
no subject
Date: 2021-04-20 07:46 pm (UTC)You should not hold back on contrary opinions with me. You don't seem to do it now. I wouldn't want you to.
no subject
Date: 2021-04-20 11:36 pm (UTC)I don't but that might be an attractive trait over days; maybe less so over the course of years if we had that together.
no subject
Date: 2021-04-21 06:29 pm (UTC)You have implied more than once that I might grow tired of you if we spent more time together. While we cannot predict impossible futures, I assure you I would only find you more interesting. Not less.
no subject
Date: 2021-04-21 09:42 pm (UTC)Maybe I think that James Barnes isn't as interesting as the Winter Soldier. So as I become more detached from that part of myself, I suppose I wonder. But thank you for saying that.